Third letter: success, confidence, happiness
had, and I share many Chinese students are focusing on how to achieve excellence and excellence, leadership and how to be launched. Recently, Sina and I chat room received many emails, I found more and more Chinese students need to know not how from good to great, but how to positive from confusion, from failure to success, from inferiority to self-confidence, from melancholy to joy, from fear to optimism.
An extreme example is the February 2004 took place in Yunnan University Majiajue events. Majiajue brutally murdered his four classmates. But Ma Jiajue was arrested conversations with the psychologist's view, He should not be an evil person, but a lost, lack of self-confidence, character enclosed children. He and many college students, eager to know how to be successful, confident and happy.
I write this letter is to those who want to succeed but that the success of reach, but always eager to self-pity self-confidence, desire happiness but happiness of the mass of students do not know to read. hope this letter will give the reader a new one on the definition of success, encouraging readers to awareness and recognize themselves to be a happy person. hope this letter will help readers understand the success, confidence, happiness is a virtuous circle: where you can be confident from the success and happiness can be obtained from the self-confidence in a happy and successful, from the happy where you can be successful and confident.
success is to be the best you
b William Faulkner, American writer once said: stronger than you now. community to see fame and fortune. especially in today's China, people bear the brunt of the pursuit of wealth, all walks of life, the success of the evaluation of a person, more personal wealth indicators. However, with the best results can be of contribute to society? Yes fame certainly happy?
true success should be diversified. success may be that you have created new wealth or technology, may bring you happiness for others, it may be get your job the trust of others may also find the back of your self, inoffensive way of life. The success of each person is unique. So, Ling Zhijun, in its The important conclusion is that a better day than yesterday.
successful first step: take aim in life, be a proactive person
Sina chat room, when friends ask what my purpose in life, I was so answer: efficient, can bring them happiness and joy. For me, life goals is not a slogan, but my best think-tank, it has helped me many times to solve the problem of work and life. I had to give up work in the United States and moved to China was founded Microsoft Research China, The latter is because I think there is a greater influence on the work, and my goal in life is more consistent. In addition, when I received a letter from the students lost letters, write them a letter, I would think: How to make a greater impact reply? realize arrested after the incident. He said: it later, right now I see I was wrong. In fact, the meaning of life is that there really is. parents, sister, how would think of this? so, he may not go astray by.
so, whether to the truth, in order to influence, or for pleasure, family, morality, tranquility, knowledge, innovation hh Once the goals in life, you can target, like me, under the guidance of life, decisively and make major life decisions. each person's life goals are unique. The most important thing is, you have to take the initiative to hold their own goal in life. But do not be rushed, not in pursuit of so-called My goal this is what they? I can not answer, because only one person can tell what your goal in life, that person is you. only one place you can find your target, that is your heart.
I I suggest you close your eyes, the first one comes in your mind the ideal record, as the answer without thinking is the most sincere. Or, you can look back at your happiest, most rewarding time in whether there is something in common? they are probably the most motivating your life goal. Furthermore, you can imagine, fifteen years later, when you reach the perfect state of life, you will in any kind of environment? what kind of work? One of the most fun thing is what? Of course, you may wish to talk about family and friends, listen to their views.
the success of the second step: to try new areas to explore your
to be the best interest of your own, the most important thing is to play to their full potential, pursue the most interesting and the most passionate thing. When you are interested in a certain area, you will walk in class or taking a bath when they never forget it, you're in the area easier to succeed. Furthermore, if you have passion in this area, you may neither eat nor sleep for it, think of an idea even when sleeping, will jump. this time , you have to work not for success, but to There may be nothing. Even if you rely on intelligence or talent to do it well, you definitely do not release all of the potential. So I do not agree with every student to pursue the most popular professional, I think everyone should know their interests, passions and abilities (that is, emotional intelligence has said the When you wake up, that they will for the technical progress to human development and improvement of life and excitement. love the software, Bill Gates gave up mathematics b. If he left school at Harvard to continue reading and become a professor of mathematics, can you imagine his potential will be suppressed and to what degree? 2002, Bill Gates led b Microsoft After 25 years, but decided the CEO job to Steve Ballmer, because the only way he can join in the work of his favorite mm as chief software architect, specializing in software technology innovation. Although Bill b Gates was an excellent chief executive, but when he he was named chief software architect, his direction of the company made a significant contribution to technology and, more importantly, he is more passion, more happiness, and this also raise the morale of all employees.
good friend Bill Gates, b, b Warren Buffett, the world's second richest man also recognized the importance of passion. When a student asked him the direction, he always would reply: advice of the. . The U.S. a well-known SEM has done a survey and found that while most students want to chase fame and fortune in the admission, but alumni with the most fame and fortune, 90% of the ideal pursuit of admission, rather than chasing fame.
I entered the university, to engage in legal or political work. a year later I found myself not interested in it, only in the middle grades. but I love the computer, every day crazy programming, quickly caught the teacher, the students attention. Finally, one day sophomore year, I made a major decision: to abandon more than a year after the nation's top three in the Faculty of Law at Columbia University has cultivated itself into credits transferred to Columbia University, an obscure computer system. I told myself, life only once, should not be wasted in the absence of joy, no sense of accomplishment in the field. at that time a friend said to me, will pay a lot of change in professional costs, but I told them be a work of passion will not pay a higher price. That day, I elated spirits, I promise to myself, each subject three years after the University should take the decision of A. If not that day, and today I in the computer field will not have achievements, and I probably just a small town in the United States is neither successful nor happy to be a lawyer.
Even so, the passion of my career and I am far from than his father. I have always thought his father was a stern man to see his father's favorite until last year the two students (who are now professors), I know how much my father loved his work. his students told me: ; My father is 70 years old, after the army, politics and writing career after finding his favorite mm teaching. He passed away in his drawer to find the students he encouraged his two sentences: sunset knowing that the short, not of spontaneous. interests and talents should be separated. do you have the talent to do easy achievements, but do not because they do well to think it is of interest to you. To find the true interest and passion, you can ask yourself: for something , you are eager to repeat it, whether I can happily and successfully complete it? you have been longing for the past is not it? is always quick to learn it? it always makes you satisfied? you sincerely from the heart ( not just from my mind) love it? you the happiest thing in life and it is not relevant? When you ask yourself, pay attention not to the expectations of your parents, social values and the influence of friends into your answer.
If you can clearly answer the question, then you are lucky, because most of the students in the university four years in exploration or remorse. If you have yet to find answers to these questions, I have only one suggestion: give yourself the opportunity to reach up to a maximum of choice. remember when I first entered the doctoral program at Carnegie Mellon b, the school has a mechanism that allows students pick teachers. in the first month, each teacher so that the stops to make the body attract students. It is because of this mechanism, I was lucky enough to meet my mentor, Professor Reddy, select the subject of my PhD, can go to understand the different schools, professional, subject and teacher, and then pick and choose your interest. You can also libraries, networks, seminars, club activities, friends, communication, e-mail and other ways to find hobbies. only contact with you to try, you can only try to find your favorite.
Ya-Qin Zhang of my colleagues once said: lessons learned. Therefore, only those who dare to try, is an absolute failure. > Successful Step: for interest, set milestones, a step forward
find your interest, the next step is to do the development of specific milestones, Yibubuxiang their ideals forward.
First, you should objectively assess their own interests and ideals from the still badly what? is a need to learn a lesson, read a book, make a more sociable person, control your temper or become a better speaker? After fifteen years to perfect their own today and what is the difference? ... you should try to fill these gaps. For example, when I decided to make my life purpose is to maximize my influence, I found I am most lacking is speech and communication skills. I used to be an embarrassing and talk to people on stage speaking students fear it will. I was especially bad when you do teaching assistants, students and even took me a nickname. Therefore, in order to achieve my ideal, I set myself a number of presentation and communication skills to improve the specific objectives.
Second, you should be set phase, the specific objectives, and then give full play to the Chinese people traditional virtues mm hard, up and perseverance to complete the goal. For example, I demand of myself to do two speeches a month, and every time my classmates or friends to sit, give me feedback. I promise to myself, do not rehearsal times, and never came speech. I demand of myself a month to listen to lectures, ask for advice to the excellent speakers. One speaker taught me several ways to overcome fear, he said, if you look at the audience's eyes nervous, you can see the audience's head, and the audience will still think you look at their faces, in addition, is best not to take the paper and hand grip from the fist to come as a trembling hand to the attention of the audience will not . When I repeated practice speaking skills, I discovered a lot of their tips, such as: no script, through story-telling way to express, I will perform better, so I'm still prepared speech but only when used in the rehearsal ; I found my ability to answer questions beyond my ability to speak, so I usually stay for the time required to answer questions; I found myself not interested will not be able to speak good things, so I will not promise that I am not interested in speaking subject. A few years later, the people around me Doukua my speech well, some people even think I was born a good speaker, in fact, I just practice hard the Chinese people, up and only the traditional virtues such as perseverance.
any goals must be realistic, measurable goals, not just stay in the ideological slogans or empty talk. setting goals for the purpose of progress, do not measure you can not know whether they made progress. So, you have to abstract , and can not be implemented, measurable goals can not be simplified into practical, measurable small goals. For example, a few years ago, I have a goal is to expand my network of people in the company, but In the course of a meal, and then introduce that person to an influential person to me. to these basic In this network of people in the know. A year later, I did from these measurements, we see their networks have been significantly expanded.
the development of specific goals must be realistic about their capabilities. goal setting over high of course unrealistic, but the target must not set too low. on target and timely adjustments to be done: if you exceed their expectations, can expect to improve; If you do not meet their expectations, can be expected to reduce. reached a goal, you can then develop more challenging goals; fails to embrace that, conscientiously sum up the lessons.
Finally, once again reminded the students, the goal is yours, only you know what he wants. to develop the most appropriate target, take the initiative to enhance themselves and improve the process in an objective measure of progress, in order to be successful, you can become better.
self-confidence is self confident and not arrogant
who dare to try new field, can quickly develop their interests and talents, more likely to succeed. self-confident people are more happy, because he will not always worry about and guard against failure.
many people think that confidence is a success. a student too old first, he had confidence. an employee is always being promoted, he also has confidence. But this is only the success of unified and centralized self-confidence.
fact, confidence is not necessarily a good thing. do not feel confident will be pride, it will lose the respect and trust of others. good self-confidence is self-conscious, that is very clear what they can do and can not do. conscious self-confidence, his probability of success is very large; conscious when people do not self-confidence He can try, but the risk will be frank to tell others. conscious people do not need to enhance self-confidence through success, failure will not result in the loss of self-confidence.
confident first step: Do not underestimate yourself, and more to pump myself up
hh I experienced a lot of people than I am, I am inferior. only to be useful, Once the teacher asked, hand and answered the question correctly. not encouragement and recognition of the students gave me confidence. I began to tell myself that I have a math talent. At this time, I especially want to learn English, because the only way to learn more math. This will not only improve the educational methods my self-confidence, but also helped me in every respect has made considerable progress.
Chinese-style education that people continue to overcome the shortcomings of the growth process is, so the teacher more in the criticism of students, for students to make up for the worst subject . Although all learn each subject should be Roper study found that: most people are trying to grow up The secret of the most successful people are most of the energy spent on things that their own interest, to gain tremendous self-confidence.
Ling Zhijun's I believe I am the smartest. Even if the later days I often than others, but I said to myself: I can do better than others ; in the brush 108 a bottle, broke the record, to gain self-confidence. He said: with an attractive force, has continued to this day. I found the whole secret of genius, in fact, only six words: Do not underestimate yourself. ; learning think what happened today is worth what you are proud of? you get a good result? you help others? What is beyond your expectations? who praise you? I believe that every person every day to find a successful thing, you will gradually find that these a match. He even let the game players and the most proud of an action (such as the clenched fist) linked so that their time to do this action, they will subconsciously think of pride thing, and then repeated before each game to do this action in order to
confident Step two: with determination, courage, self-confidence from the success in obtained from increasing failure in the conscious
when you're feeling confident, no matter how small the success, you will once again have their own particular expectations or affirmation of others, then you need to have enough willpower. as long as you have the stamina, will, like Zhou said, anything, this is not a problem you can not learn, but you want to learn. If you have something in his hand a burning desire, you will have an indomitable spirit, especially when you are normal when the people. problem, but to the president before, always afraid to speak, for fear wrong thing. until one day, to do the restructuring of the company, President convened a meeting more than a dozen people, he asked each person speak in turn. I thought, since some talk about, It would be better to speak out truth. So I bravely said: and ideas hh accepted my proposal to change the company's policy in the restructuring, but also often quoted to me. From then on, I am full of confidence, not afraid to speak in front of anybody. This example fully confirmed, how do you know you can not think about what you are afraid of losing? the worst fate that? you can not accept it? In the above example, if the president rejected my view, he will not respect me? not only will not, others may also I would think that courage. Moreover, the conscious people will learn from the failure to recognize that they are not fit to do something, and then upgrade their own initiative. So do not fear failure, as long as you do the force, willing to limit their own challenge, you should be proud of their courage.
a confident and conscious, and if they will bravely try new things, and perseverance to do it well, where he will gain confidence from the success from failure increase in the self.
confident the third step: consciously set specific objectives, with an open mind to listen to others, develop self-confidence assessment
also set specific goals, step by step forward. These goals must be measure. I had left my president to speak before the case told my daughter to listen, because her teacher thought she was shy to speak in the schools do not raise their hands, and I want to encourage her courage to speak. She agreed to try, but she that only at the appropriate time, there are only willing to speak the best advice. But I think with the measurable, realistic goals: one hand she held a day and if you have one month bonus. Then, we slowly increase the number of hands. A year later, the teacher noticed that she had enough class to speak self-confidence.
self-confidence not paranoid, does not allow their own mistakes, or excessive self-centered, loss of an objective position. I have a very smart colleagues, look for his life, sentence Once in a statement that he was wrong, he would say so outright, or simply denied. Although his correct rate of 95%, but 5% of the error so that he lost his credibility and the respect of others . This example tells us that pride of self-confidence or unconsciously self-confidence self-confidence even more dangerous than not.
consciously in emotional intelligence has two levels: both for themselves and the environment Jieneng to master the objective and subjective situation. There conscious people do not overly self-critical, and will not naively optimistic, they can objectively assess their own. Therefore, they will honestly face the limits of their ability, will not easily accept their own ability to work outside. Of course, they still willing to accept the challenge, but will accept the challenge to do an objective risk assessment. such a person not only for their frank and honest to others also. honest people will face the failure of the trust, because they know you accept the lesson. frank ground of his weaknesses will be the respect of others, because they know you will not presumptuous. So, people tend to consciously successful, it tends to self-confidence.
conscious people not only fair to yourself, but also offered to the surrounding one gives to their criticism and feedback. They understand that although he is very conscientious, but others saw themselves as more important. the one hand, others saw themselves more objectively, on the other hand, others saw their real existence their own (and accept other people's ideas, but also with other people's ideas as the ultimate goal. For example, my daughter can assess their everyday speech, but in the end, only when teachers and students that she was a cheerful, with the idea of a student, she to reach the ultimate goal.
get honest feedback, especially negative feedback is not easy. So, you'd better have some brave and honest good friends, and they are willing to speak the truth to you in private. Of course, negative feedback you can not have any complaints, or you to hear the truth of the future. In addition to the feedback in private, the company in the United States, there is a , under the same survey done in several areas. because the survey is anonymous, it tends to get real opinions, and if a lot of people say you still need to improve in certain areas, so to say than his boss's views or more convincing. While in school, no such formal investigation, but you can still best way to understand something you think. My father always taught us to seek the things to the public, this means open minded, not to Wells Sky, limited his vision.
Majiajue said: a friend, perhaps he will confirm the students really looked down and understand why, then self-improvement. frank exchange and a true friend probably can help avoid the tragedy of Ma Jiajue.
conscious people have set themselves realistic goal, an objective measure of their own, and will ask others to help evaluate. so people can continue to enhance their self-confidence, and confidence to avoid the development of pride.
happiness is more important than the scientific proof of success: a good mood most can play potential; happy to increase efficiency, creativity and the probability of correct decisions; happy people have an open mind, willing to help others. but not so much happy to bring success, not as good as that is to bring happiness and success achieved. I suggested that students pursue their own ideals and interests, in fact, do their own ideal, are interested in things is a joy. Therefore, success is more than happy should be our ultimate goal.
happy first step: accept your parents, the environment, their total
unhappy people helpless to do some sulk, do not like their parents and teachers do not want to read boring books, do not want to deal with them. For these helpless, and I hope students can learn to accept them calmly.
at all , do not accept me, I do not understand the idea, I use the general requirements of their values and ideas to work, study, study. so I always avoid them, more and more lonely. the following two aspects:
First, you should accept your parents, do not because parents do not understand you feel the self-enclosed. parents grow in different environments, different ways of thinking, their definition of success may also be different, your expectations and your own expectations have a greater difference. but their way of life You went fairly long, rich experience than you, you can not prejudiced to exclude them. In addition, you must understand that parents are the world's most love you, they are the only people who pay for you unconditionally, you should unconditionally accept your parents. for their children's often over-idealize their parents, and neglect the vast majority of parents in their growth environment, we are more scarce than, less than, they may not have the opportunity to learn how to be a good parents, but their conditions are best. If we despise, reject their parents, we would be disrespectful of their source of life, then how can we happy?
Second, you can try to change to parents, but you should first ask that you understand and accept your parents? you can understand parents thinking? parents always complain about when you hope you are perfect, do not you also in the hope that parents perfect? Ling Zhijun suggested that: you, you should go to understand them, so as to communicate with them more successfully. mutual understanding, perhaps you still have different views but can mutual understanding, perhaps you or they will alter the view to achieve consensus. To this end, You should first and parent ...
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